Amicable

I'm learning to have very mixed feelings about the word "amicable".   It's been several weeks since I've written here.  It's been a busy several weeks.  I now live in a new home with my daughter.  I have a new car.  My wife and I have separated and our divorce will be final in another few weeks.

 After a 20 year relationship (married for 17 of those years), my wife and I are dismantling our life together and trying to create a soft spot for each of us to land.  We're focusing very intently on making sure that our daughter experiences as little trauma as possible.  We're trying to salvage a friendship--a good friendship in fact, rather than waging war on each other, which seems to be so common during divorce.

Today I'm focusing on the word "amicable".  I'm relieved that we're not fighting.  I'm relieved that, although we've agreed that we can't live together as married people anymore, we're being compassionate toward one another.  But I think, deep down, I may really hate the word "amicable"-- it's almost always used in the context of divorce--and divorce is awful.